City Expectation Reversal # 1

So Rome is everything I thought New York would be and vice versa. Rome is the dirty, intimidating, frightening city, with filth and graffiti in the streets, dodgy looking characters, and mysterious dead bodies outside the Termini. Frightening, but broken up with extremely beautiful architecture. Meanwhile New York was the safe, fun, beautiful place, that seemed like some kind of magic.

Accent confusion in the Northern hemisphere

There was a time where I entertained the notion of putting on different accents as I traveled the world, seeing if I could pass myself off as a local, or as a traveler from somewhere else entirely. As it turns out, my regular accent can be just as confounding. Back when I was Stateside, most people I spoke to couldn't tell where I was from, on the streets or in the hostels, and I'm finding it much the same in Ireland.

Most commonly I am mistaken for being from a posh area of England. I'm starting to think that maybe I do, because the people that have said it are fairly reliable types: relatives in Letterkenny, and some of the smarter people I met in America, like James.

In America I was surprised that some people would ask me which State I was from. In that situation I would usually affect the appropriate accent and say "I am from Minnesota" which occasionally received a laugh, but was once or twice taken to be fact.

On occasion people have thought I was from New Zealand. Apparently that's a common mix up around this part of the world, but I would have thought the differences were pretty full-on. Kiwi's sound closer to South Africans then Aussies in my opinion.

On that note, sometimes Australians don't even know I'm Australian. Now this might be partially because I am subconsciously altering my voice to avoid dealing with me fellow countrymen. Most of the time I try not to even speak when I'm around Australians and just let them assume I'm some standoffish non-English speaker from somewhere nera the Mediterranean.

It's not always bad. I generally have an affinity with Melbournians. They get it. And they can almost always tell where I'm from. As for the rest of the Australians, I generally try to stay away. Last night a group of American girls who have recently started studying in Cork took me for a Dubliner. When I told them I was from Perth they told me that there was a couple from Perth staying in our room. Naturally I was later forced to interact with these people and that was a mistake. Everyone else I've met from Perth has been terrifying in some way. This time the 'Perth' label was something of a misnomer. They weren't from Perth, they were country folk that now lived in Perth. You know how it is with country folk. It's one way or the other, and this time it was the other.

It's all part of a collage of cultural confusion. I'm doing everything backwards and mixed up. In America I was reading European writers and now I'm reading all the Americans. In the States I mixed mostly with Brits and French, now I'm surrounded by Americans. Strangely enough all the Americans I've met here seem a lot less crazy / more normal then a lot of the people I met in the US. I don't know if that's a case of travelers having a certain mindset that can be easily related to, or if it's just that a whole country full of Americans was a little intimidating at the time.

In any case I feel like I've been hitting the right balance of people. In America it wasn't always easy to talk to locals, and I usually kept to the hostel crowds. In Ireland though the hostel crowds contain so many diverse characters that are local, as well as the usual mix of foreigners.

My tips for anyone who goes to the United States

Before I left Perth I tried to get as much advice and information I could out of everyone I know who has traveled, and didn't get much out of them other than the usual stuff about being safe, keeping your wallet protected, etc. Now that I'm a man of the world I feel it's my duty to give prospective travelers a few clues you can use if you come to the good ol' US of A.

1. Always keep in mind that the word 'Starbucks' is actually code for 'public bathroom'.

I can't stress this enough people. The coffee is dreadful, and they're more numerous than rabbit offspring, but you'll be thanking your lucky stars for Starbucks when you've got a bladder full of soda, which will be all the time considering you're in America.

2. When ordering fast food, always ask for the small size.

When the food arrives, you will realize you actually have a large. Get used to it. And throw away the rest of your soda / give it to a homeless person. No body needs to drink that much in one sitting.

3. At traffic lights, ignore the crosswalk lights and just cross when it's safe.

This is one of those things that makes you look less like a tourist. Too many people stand around waiting for the 'walk' sign, and it can really clog the sidewalks in a big city. Just always be aware of your surroundings and get a move on. Sure it's technically jaywalking, but all the cool people do it.

4. Walk fast and be nimble.

This is another important one in big cities, especially New York. You'll get around faster, and you'll piss off less people. Also, you'll look less like a tourist. Which brings me to a related point:

5. If you get lost, keep walking.

Don't even break stride. Nothing is more infuriating then when people stop suddenly to check a map, blocking everyone behind them. You really don't want to look lost. Most places are pretty safe, but you never know. Try to keep walking and get indoors, perhaps at a local 'public bathroom' to check a map or change directions.

6. If you're young, always claim student prices wherever you can.

This has saved me so much money. Most museums and art galleries are half price for students, so you can really save those pennies. I used my expired UWA card whenever asked (it's not dated, and they never checked the guild stickers on the back). But seriously, 9/10 times they don't even card you.

Well, that's all for now. Perhaps more will come to me later. Adios.

Union Station Blues

So yesterday I spent the better part of a freezing Chicago day waiting for my train to New Orleans at Union Station. As I sat around I noticed several groups of Amish folks milling around. There was a couple with a young baby girl. The parents looked about 15. It was kind of scary to think about.

So I'm watching these strange people with their beards and their funny hats and I'm reflecting on the oddness of seeing a people who churn their own butter standing in a concourse with LCD screens and motorized machinery, when I notice one of them is carrying a thermos. A thermos?! Are they allowed to have a thermos? Or do the rules change when they're outside their normal commune?

This was disturbing me. I went for a walk, came back and went into McDonalds. The Amish were there. In McDonalds. Eating their Happy Meals and their McCafe coffees.

I'm thinking: 'this is insane.' I think about going over there and striking up a conversation, but then a group of black guys sit at the table next to them. These guys are wearing some bling and have cool hoodies. The Amish, as one, turn and angle their bodies away from these newcomers. After a few awkward moments they rise and move steadily away.

This is the only moment of my Amish experience that makes sense.

Unfortunately.